We Broke Up

We Broke Up (This Is Not an April Fool’s Joke)

It’s funny how fast people show up when they think there’s drama.

There isn’t.

I know some of y’all came for the tea. This is all I’ve got.

The truth is simple.
I’m the problem.

Not in a messy, tear-everything-down kind of way.
In a self-aware, I finally sat still long enough to hear myself kind of way.

And let me tell you. That will humble you real quick.

If you are reading this- I am not sorry, this is going to hurt, however....

WE BROKE UP, You and I, We broke up!

And I’m not saying we won’t rekindle either.

The only person safe in this break up is the Barista, we will talk about that next time. 

But the truth is still the truth.
Sometimes relationships are seasonal. So what.
I rekindle things all the time, just reconnected with my long time sister/friend of 20 years.

Life doesn’t always end. Sometimes it just shifts.

Now listen Linda. Life didn’t gently tap me lately.
It came in like a wrecking ball.

I have a sibling deployed. A nephew too. (Shout out to my parents who are keeping 4 littles everyday and some nights until this is over.)
The world is heavy right now. I’m not getting into politics, but go do your own research and think for yourself there is a lot of biased information out there.

We had a tragic accident within our community. 

I’ve been dealing with health things that are none of anyone’s business.

And I started ADHD medication again.

Which sounds fine until you realize you now have the capacity to feel everything you have been avoiding.

Yeah. That part.

That’s where everything cracked open.

Because when you slow down enough, you realize nothing came out of nowhere.
It was all sitting there waiting.

So yes. I’m the problem.

But not in a shame spiral kind of way.
In an ownership kind of way.

Because here is the truth nobody likes to say out loud.

I don’t need a spotlight.
But I refuse to feel minimized.

And somewhere along the way, I did.

Not just in a relationship. In conversations. In spaces. EVERYWHERE!

In the way people pretend to listen just long enough to talk about themselves, and I am not talking about one persona, like y'all need to be self aware!

That is not connection.
That is interruption.

I didn’t need to be coached.
I didn’t need solutions.
I didn’t need people trying to fix me.

I needed space to finish a full thought.

That’s it.

So I did what I always do.
I pulled back.
I got quiet.
I removed access.

And let’s be clear about something.

People’s perception of my actions is their reality.
If something felt directed at you, that is yours to unpack.

But I will own this.
If my silence or distance created confusion, that part is on me.

Growth will make you take accountability in places your ego wants to argue.

And I’m not arguing anymore.

I’ve learned something a lot of people struggle with.

I can be the problem and still be worth understanding.

I don’t need to dominate conversations.
I don’t need attention.

But I will not shrink anymore.

So moving forward, I will be quieter.

Not because I have nothing to say.
But because I know exactly where my voice belongs.

Here.
Or in my journal.

No drama. Just truth.

And to the few people who showed up the right way.

No fixing.
No probing.
No turning it into your own story.

Just checking in.

I see you.

And now I know exactly who shows up when it matters.

So if you think I am a selfish bitch....

Good.

Because right now, I am choosing me.

-Beth B. Blissful