My Intestines Are Petty and I Have Proof

 Welcome to the Chronicles of Beth’s Gut

Pull up a chair. Or don’t… depending on your digestive confidence.

For YEARS we thought this was just IBS.
Cute. Adorable. Manageable.

Plot twist:
Tumors.
Crohn’s.

Because apparently my gut said, “Let’s not be basic. Let’s be dramatic.”

So here we are.
39.
Technically menopausal… or honestly, I’ve just been hot flashing for the last 8 years thanks to a hysterectomy. Who’s really keeping track at this point?

But listen...my gut and I?
We were vibing for a minute.

Chicken nuggets every day.
Living. The. Dream.

Tell me why I suddenly realize… my stomach hurts every single day.

Every. Day.

So one day, by pure accident, I don’t eat meat.
I feel amazing.

Like… suspiciously amazing.

So naturally, I test the theory like a responsible adult:
Day 2-chicken nuggets.
And my body said, “Oh, you thought we were healed? That’s cute.”

Full. Body. Eruption.

Skin said no.
Gut said ABSOLUTELY NOT.
We entered what I like to call atomic hell.

So I go three days without meat.
Peace. Harmony. Clear skin. Inner glow. I’m basically a forest fairy.

Eat meat again?
Back to chaos.

No, I was not bitten by a tick.
My body just hates me… and meat… and apparently joy.

Like my intestines are jealous of the happiness meat brings me.
Petty. Honestly.

So now?
We’re plant-based.

That’s how this whole bean-and-tofu era began.
Not out here trying to save the world, just trying not to internally combust.

Let me be clear though…
Nothing.....and I mean NOTHING......will ever replace mustard.

I miss meat. Deeply.
But not enough to live in digestive warfare.

And now when you tell people you don’t eat meat, they immediately assume you’re out here hugging trees, chaining yourself to forests, and driving a Toyota Prius.

Listen…
I might end up in a Prius.
But that’s not the point.

Your assumptions are aggressive.

But also… I do love trees.
And reusable bottles.
So maybe calm down, but also maybe you’re not entirely wrong.

At this point, I’m choosing to believe this is the universe trying to tell me something.

Slow down.
Connect.
Stop poisoning yourself with nuggets (rude, but fair).

And honestly?

I’m not even mad about it.

Because connecting with the earth…
that’s always been my thing.

Even if it came at the cost of my chicken nugget era.

-Beth B. Blissful 

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