75-Hard day 69

 January 1

75 Hard – Yeah, I Said It

We started January 1.

Cliché, right? Cool. Stay with me.

Here’s the deal.
I was supposed to do this with a friend.
I pulled back.

Not because I couldn’t do it.
Because it started to feel like I was being told what to do.
And right now? That’s a hard no for me.

But here’s what I do know…
Finishing is non-negotiable.

I never finished this part of the story.
So here we are.
Back at it on 3/10.
Day 69.

And somewhere along the way, this got bigger than me.

I decided I’m finishing this for Kurt.
He didn’t get to.

He was on his 75 Hard journey… and he passed before he could finish.
So now every early morning, every step, every hard moment… it means more.

This isn’t just discipline anymore.
It’s respect.
It’s purpose.

Ice. Snow.
Post-op from skin removal. Still healing.
And I’m still out here at 4 a.m. getting it in.

No excuses. No audience. Just me.

And I feel good.
Like… clear.

My head isn’t loud the same way anymore.
And when I’m not heard now? I say something.

That part? New.

But it comes with pushback.

Because I spent years shrinking myself in certain spaces.
Letting other people hold the microphone because they needed it more.

I don’t like that version of me anymore.

And here’s the uncomfortable truth…
It’s not just one person.

It’s a lot of people.

But I set that tone.

So let’s go deeper.

If someone is comfortable talking about people when they’re not in the room…
they’re comfortable talking about you too.

And the people you think you can trust?
Yeah… some of them are confirming that.

It feels… off.
Yucky. Heavy.

Especially in a season where I should be celebrating life.

And the hardest part?

There’s no single person to point to...
Which means I have to look at the common denominator.

Me.

And that doesn’t mean I tear myself down.
It means I adjust.

Because my bucket is empty.
Bone dry.

It’s 3 a.m. right now.
I’m getting up in an hour to jog.
Then I’m packing for a cruise… where I already know I’m not welcome at the table.

Yeah. That part’s going to be awkward.

But I’m still going.

Because this is life.
And I’m still doing the damn thing.

Here’s where I’ve landed:

I don’t want to sit at tables where I’m not welcome.
So I won’t.

The pullback is getting heavier.
That’s on me. No one else.

Boundaries are back.
And I don’t care who calls it selfish.

Because it’s not selfish to notice patterns.
It’s not selfish to protect your peace.
It’s not selfish to choose yourself when your cup is empty.

Yeah, I’m struggling.

But I’m still showing up.
Still moving.
Still finishing.

For me.
And for Kurt.

That’s 75 Hard.

-Beth B. Blissful 

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