For the Love of Dolly Parton, Teach the WHY

 

I have questioned EVERYTHING this week.

And somewhere between questioning systems, practices, decisions, and probably the meaning of life itself, something clicked.....I figured out why people do not hear me when I say, "They don't understand, we have to teach them." or  "They know what to do, how to do it, they have no clue WHY we do it." 

As a society, we spend a whole lot of time saying:

“They should know this.”

Should they?

Like... SHOULD THEY REALLY?

Because I am becoming increasingly convinced that we have built entire systems around the assumption that people know things nobody ever actually taught them.

And then we are shocked when implementation falls apart.

Here is the thing.

We are mimickers.

We watch the people around us. Someone models something. We follow the steps. We learn the routine. We get pretty ding dang good at doing exactly what we saw someone else do.

And that can look a whole lot like mastery.

Until something changes.

Change the routine.

Change the learner.

Change the environment.

Take away one of the supports.

Throw in something unexpected.

Suddenly the person who appeared to completely understand the practice doesn't know what to do next.

Because they learned the steps. They didn't learn the WHY.

Anyone can follow directions when all the conditions stay exactly the same.

But life doesn't stay exactly the same.

Daily routines sure as heck don't.

People don't.

Students DEFINITELY don't.

So if I taught you only what to do, I taught you to replicate me.

If I taught you why you are doing it, now you can think.

You can adjust.

You can problem solve.

YOU CAN PIVOT.

That's the goal.

And quite frankly, I haven't found a whole bunch of people intentionally trying to miss the mark.

What I have found are people doing exactly what they think they are supposed to be doing.

Because somebody told them.

Because they watched somebody else.

Because that's how the person before them did it.

Because someone modeled it once.

Because “we've always done it this way.”

And we LOVE to stand on the outside and say:

“They aren't doing what they're supposed to do.”

Okay.

But have we asked them what they think they're supposed to be doing?

Have we asked WHY they made that choice?

Have we asked:

“What are you hoping happens here?”

“How does this support what you're trying to accomplish?”

“Tell me why you chose this.”

Because holy mother of pearl,  you learn a lot when you stop assuming and start asking.

Sometimes you discover they know exactly what they're doing and need help refining it.

Sometimes you discover they misunderstood something.

And sometimes you discover something much bigger:

Nobody ever taught them.

They were shown.

Those are NOT the same thing.

You can walk into someone's space every single day and model something.

Every. Single. Day.

You can show them exactly how YOU do it.

You can hand them the materials.

You can make the schedule.

You can give them the checklist.

You can practically stand beside them holding a giant flashing sign saying DO THIS NEXT.

And the minute the routine gets thrown off?

Everything falls apart.

Then we say:

“See! They still aren't doing it!”

No.

Maybe we taught them to cast.

We didn't teach them to fish.

Because fishing isn't memorizing the exact spot someone else stood, holding the rod at precisely the same angle, casting exactly where they cast and hoping the same fish happens to swim by.

You have to understand what you're doing well enough to adjust when the conditions change.

THAT is learning.

And THAT is coaching.

Modeling says:

Watch me.

Teaching says:

Let me explain why.

Coaching says:

Now you try. Tell me what you're thinking. Let's figure out what worked, what didn't, and what you're going to change next time.

And then something really freaking cool starts happening.

They don't need you as much.

They pivot.

They try something.

They notice something isn't working and make an adjustment BEFORE someone tells them to.

They ask better questions.

They start connecting things.

They get a little success.

Then another.

And suddenly they want to know MORE.

Maybe the motivation wasn't intrinsic at first.

How could it be?

It's hard to be deeply invested in something when you don't even understand why the world you're doing it.

But then they learn the why.

They try it.

It works.

They see the impact.

They understand their own role in making that happen.

And THAT success starts feeding the next question.

What else can I do?

Now we've got something.

Because we didn't create someone who can follow our directions.

We helped create someone who can THINK without us.

So maybe we need to stop being so quick to say:

“They should know.”

Maybe they should.

But maybe they don't.

And maybe instead of judging the miss, we get curious about the gap.

Ask the question.

Teach the why.

Build the knowledge.

Let them practice.

Let them screw it up.

Coach them through it.

Let them experience success.

And then...

WATCH. WHAT. HAPPENS.

Because, for the love of Dolly Parton, when someone finally understands the WHY, they don't just follow the path you showed them.

They start figuring out where they can go next.

-Beth B. Blissful